Nicknames

Growing up, my family called me Ka. They still do. Other than that, it wasn't until college when people started to give me nicknames. People in my dorm started calling me Kat because there were so many Kathryns, Katies, and Kathys on my floor. Then I went to Spain where Kathryn isn't exactly an easy one to spell or pronounce, so I became Kati. I've always been sensitive to the spelling of my name, and it drives me nuts when it's spelled wrong. But for some reason, I never really solidified the way Kati was spelled. So my friends in Spain and Peru spell it every which way; the only common demoninator is that it begins with a K, which I was quick to enforce. My friend Esther spells it Katty, Irene spells it Katy, others spell it Kati, and still others Katti. I guess because it's only my name in parallel worlds that it doesn't bother me not having a codified spelling of this random nickname that I never imagined I would have. I lived in Spain in 1999-2000 and am still close with the whole gang, and they all spell my name differently. And it doesn't bother me in the least. Random interesting fun fact of the day!

Up and Down

Work has been CRAZY. In one day I taught 200 inner city kids, designed a brochure, led a professional development program and called Sir Timothy Rice (of Andrew Lloyd Weber fame) to ask for a photograph for a program for an upcoming event. WTF? Crazy but distracting. In a good way. It's hard to focus. Especially when it's -9 out. Luckily tomorrow I am going to buy a mag trainer to hook my bike up to so I can exercise indoors. I draw the line at 0. Anything below zero is unfit to run in. There have been ups and downs, but thank God for my friends. They are my lifelines.
















I straightened my hair for kicks today. Never again. What a pain in the ass.

I am trying...

...not to hate on Cleveland. I think the deal is that I feel trapped. I'm living paycheck to paycheck and I've made about zero progress on the diss. I hate that I can't just up and go to Peru. I hate that I have to work in the summer. I hate that I can't just do what I want to do. I love the gig, but I miss the freedom. I know I can leave at any time, except that I can't. It's pricey and just not feasible. Aaaarrrggghhhh.

Welcome to the Beginning of the Rest of Your Life

Ok, so that title is a bit dramatic, but I feel like a different person at 30. And I'm 30, baby! So entering a new decade is a big deal, dammit, and I'm excited about what's to come.

I never make New Year's Resolutions. I never really have, probably mostly because of their notoriety for breaking easily. It's like they're fine china. Regardless, I think I might give it a shot this year. And I'm not going to call them NYRs. Instead, I'm going to call them NYBEs, or New Year's Best Efforts. I think I'd be disappointed if I resolved to change something or approach something differently and I didn't do it. But I can certainly make my best effort to do or become XYZ. Catch my drift?

NYBEs for the next twelve months or so (in no particular order):
1. Run two marathons.
I'm running Madison in May. But what about Chicago or Columbus in October? I need running goals because without them, I don't run as often . I kind of need something to keep me focused, and having an end goal is that. I don't know if two marathons that close together is a bit ambitious (a few of us ran two marathons in 2005, but one was in February and one was in October), but we'll see. If it doesn't happen, oh well.

2. Do a tri
There's a great triathalon sprint (.5 miles swimming, 15 miles biking, 10k running) in Cleveland in June. My running partner loaned me a fancy road bike, and I think I'm going to do it. I've been threatening to do a tri for a while now, and I think this is the year.

3. Curb my swearing
I swear too much. And the funny thing is that I never swore before grad school. I think living with Sam and Miranda opened the door to the possibility of the f*bomb, but I'm taking it to a new level. I work with little kids and teachers all day. It's time to not worry if that is going to pop out at any given time.

4. Organize?
I have a lot of stuff. I have a hard time organizing all of it. I'd like to start pitching it, realizing the waste that is sucking out my life. We'll see how it goes, but I don't like being a slave to things.

5. Graduate with my Ph.D.
This is the most difficult NYBE. I don't really want to talk about it (or write about it here) because of the level of anxiety it induces. Here's hoping I can OWN that anxiety and use it for good. Please note that I am blogging right now instead of writing. Ha!

6. Budget the books
I don't manage my money. It flies out the window, and I don't even go out here in Cleveland. I'm 30. It's time to learn to live like a grown-up.

Are these NYBEs possible? I hope so. I'll give it a whirl! The only one that will kill me if it doesn't happen is the graduation. That'll be REALLY disappointing.

On another note, how about a cheer for some good albums that came out this year? I don't really buy that many new albums, but there were a few that caught my ear that I really dug.

TV on the Radio, Dear Science
This band is so extraordinary. They are phenomenal musicians and songwriters, but it's the production value that sets them apart from the rest. This album is catchy and interesting, and you hear new layers of stuff all the time.

Kanye West, 808s & Heartbreak
Ok, so Kanye is always pretty good, but what's really interesting about this album is how much it's not a hiphop album. It's a thoughtful, digital pop collection of great, albeit heartbreaking, tunes. Dig it.

Wynton Marsalis and Willie Nelson, Two Men Playing the Blues
This is a live recording from January of 07, but it is just great. It's warm and fuzzy and catchy and just plain feelgood. I love it!

Vampire Weekend, Vampire Weekend.
I hate loving it. But I do! It's so good! Melodic, Afro-pop yumminess with just enough hipster to get your inner skinny-pant wearing rocker totally dancing.

Bon Iver, For Emma, Forever Ago
Ok, so you might want to slit your wrists listening to these sad, sad, lo-fi songs, but they're beautiful. What Bon Iver does with just his voice and a guitar on a multi-track recorder in the middle of BFE Minnesota is pretty stunning and elegant. Perhaps only for the nostalgic or faint of heart.

Mika, Live Parc Des Princes Paris
Guilty pleasure Euro-pop trashy (although creative) dance music. So much FUN!

Anyway, bring it on, 09!

Ouch.

It effin' HOITS.

Poetry

I'm not necessarily a big poetry fan. There are some poems and some poets I like, and then there are the rest that I feel relatively ambivalent about. I used to be a big poetry freak - Anne Sexton, Adrienne Rich, Marianne Moore. For whatever reason, I've been thinking about poetry lately, and I found this old one by Marianne Moore. Moore could get kinda romantic but she could also just say it like it is. There's a poem she wrote called "Poetry." It starts off like this:

I, too, dislike it: there are things that are important beyond
    all this fiddle.
 Reading it, however, with a perfect contempt for it, one
    discovers in
 it after all, a place for the genuine.

See what I'm saying? I like her a lot. But I actually wanted to post this one, called "What Are Years?"

What is our innocence,
what is our guilt? All are
naked, none is safe. And whence
is courage: the unanswered question,
the resolute doubt, -
dumbly calling, deafly listening-that
in misfortune, even death,
encourage others
and in it's defeat, stirs

the soul to be strong? He
sees deep and is glad, who
accededs to mortality
and in his imprisonment rises
upon himself as
the sea in a chasm, struggling to be
free and unable to be,
in its surrendering
finds its continuing.

So he who strongly feels,
behaves. The very bird,
grown taller as he sings, steels
his form straight up. Though he is captive,
his mighty singing
says, satisfaction is a lowly
thing, how pure a thing is joy.
This is mortality,
this is eternity.

Kechup.

Since last I blogged:

1. Turkey Day in Austin
Although it was a whirlwind, I got to spend lots of time with my Dad, Tim, Nik, Genevieve, and Karla. There was a brief reunion with Elise and Mary, and of course it was wonderful to catch up with Colin and Mehdi and Erika and Andrew and Meera and everyone else. It's always too short and too hard to do everything in one trip. Sad.

2. Visit from Ryan
Not only did Mr. Kangas come to visit, he actually saved my ass when I was teaching and was basically slave labor for the Rock Hall. Plus there was a lovely dinner with Reena and Cory and a date to the Art Museum and crepes at the West Side Market (my favorite place in Cleveland so far). Poor guy practically lost a limb in the cold, but it was super fun. And Patrick comes in January to sing! I win left and right.

3. Chapter.
I actually turned in a chapter. Ragged and incomplete as it may be, it gave me hope that I will not be ABD forever, that I might actually get out of here at one point. Who knows when, but it'll happen.

4. Review
I had my first year end review at work. I felt a little bad because I figured if I didn't do well at the review that I could just go back to Austin. I was almost secretly hoping that they would send me packing but alas, it was not to be. The review went really well and my over-achieving, perfectionist ways have thwarted me: I'm good at my job. *sigh*

5. Cold Running
I run with the Cleveland West Road Runners every Saturday down at the Rocky River Reservation, about 3.5 miles from my house. I take the bus down at around 7am and get there right on time to start at 7:30am. Two weekends ago was my first "cold" run. It was 16 degrees out. I was underdressed. I learned my lesson and did not (thankfully) get frostbite or hypothermic, and I will never make the same mistake. This past Saturday was a little better, and although there was the ice to contend with, at least I was appropriately bundled. They run year round, so I guess I'll have buddies to bitch with as the weather gets worse. Sad.

The good news is that Michael O'Brien spearheaded a running club, albeit long distance, with all the old peeps and a few new ones as we begin to prepare for different races. Elise & Rachel are training for Boston, Karla is training for the Austin Half, and Michael, Colin, and I are going to start training for the Madison Marathon, while Mary will train for the Madison Half. It's nice to know other people are going through the same training as you are. I'm excited. Half of my running group is training for Boston (fast bastards), but there are a few who are going to do Cleveland, which is the week before Madison, so I'll have other people nearby to do those 20 milers.

6. Holidays
I have been out of the country for the past three winter holidays. 2005 I was in Spain, 2006 and 2007 I was in Peru and now, 2008, I am in Cleveland. I did that for a couple of reasons. First of all, I don't have too much money to gallavant to other countries and I also don't have vacation days (blast that 9 to 5 crap!). Plus my dad and brother wanted to spend the holidays with me, so I figured I'd slow down and just do it here in the US of A. The trouble is that I hate doing Christmas without my mom. Since she died, I've only been in the country for two holidays. I just avoid it. Spain or Peru, Spain or Peru. That's usually my escape hatch. Sadly, not only do I get to confront this crap head on, I get to do it in my be-hated (as opposed to beloved) Ohio. And I think the reason I hate the state so much is that my mom's not in it. Physically, anyway. Sounds silly, but I bear a grudge. Stupid state. In the meantime, it's probably good to learn how to deal. I doubt I'll have the flexibility or the means to travel abroad every Christmas, so I should learn to deal now. And here we go!