Ouch.

It effin' HOITS.

Poetry

I'm not necessarily a big poetry fan. There are some poems and some poets I like, and then there are the rest that I feel relatively ambivalent about. I used to be a big poetry freak - Anne Sexton, Adrienne Rich, Marianne Moore. For whatever reason, I've been thinking about poetry lately, and I found this old one by Marianne Moore. Moore could get kinda romantic but she could also just say it like it is. There's a poem she wrote called "Poetry." It starts off like this:

I, too, dislike it: there are things that are important beyond
    all this fiddle.
 Reading it, however, with a perfect contempt for it, one
    discovers in
 it after all, a place for the genuine.

See what I'm saying? I like her a lot. But I actually wanted to post this one, called "What Are Years?"

What is our innocence,
what is our guilt? All are
naked, none is safe. And whence
is courage: the unanswered question,
the resolute doubt, -
dumbly calling, deafly listening-that
in misfortune, even death,
encourage others
and in it's defeat, stirs

the soul to be strong? He
sees deep and is glad, who
accededs to mortality
and in his imprisonment rises
upon himself as
the sea in a chasm, struggling to be
free and unable to be,
in its surrendering
finds its continuing.

So he who strongly feels,
behaves. The very bird,
grown taller as he sings, steels
his form straight up. Though he is captive,
his mighty singing
says, satisfaction is a lowly
thing, how pure a thing is joy.
This is mortality,
this is eternity.

Kechup.

Since last I blogged:

1. Turkey Day in Austin
Although it was a whirlwind, I got to spend lots of time with my Dad, Tim, Nik, Genevieve, and Karla. There was a brief reunion with Elise and Mary, and of course it was wonderful to catch up with Colin and Mehdi and Erika and Andrew and Meera and everyone else. It's always too short and too hard to do everything in one trip. Sad.

2. Visit from Ryan
Not only did Mr. Kangas come to visit, he actually saved my ass when I was teaching and was basically slave labor for the Rock Hall. Plus there was a lovely dinner with Reena and Cory and a date to the Art Museum and crepes at the West Side Market (my favorite place in Cleveland so far). Poor guy practically lost a limb in the cold, but it was super fun. And Patrick comes in January to sing! I win left and right.

3. Chapter.
I actually turned in a chapter. Ragged and incomplete as it may be, it gave me hope that I will not be ABD forever, that I might actually get out of here at one point. Who knows when, but it'll happen.

4. Review
I had my first year end review at work. I felt a little bad because I figured if I didn't do well at the review that I could just go back to Austin. I was almost secretly hoping that they would send me packing but alas, it was not to be. The review went really well and my over-achieving, perfectionist ways have thwarted me: I'm good at my job. *sigh*

5. Cold Running
I run with the Cleveland West Road Runners every Saturday down at the Rocky River Reservation, about 3.5 miles from my house. I take the bus down at around 7am and get there right on time to start at 7:30am. Two weekends ago was my first "cold" run. It was 16 degrees out. I was underdressed. I learned my lesson and did not (thankfully) get frostbite or hypothermic, and I will never make the same mistake. This past Saturday was a little better, and although there was the ice to contend with, at least I was appropriately bundled. They run year round, so I guess I'll have buddies to bitch with as the weather gets worse. Sad.

The good news is that Michael O'Brien spearheaded a running club, albeit long distance, with all the old peeps and a few new ones as we begin to prepare for different races. Elise & Rachel are training for Boston, Karla is training for the Austin Half, and Michael, Colin, and I are going to start training for the Madison Marathon, while Mary will train for the Madison Half. It's nice to know other people are going through the same training as you are. I'm excited. Half of my running group is training for Boston (fast bastards), but there are a few who are going to do Cleveland, which is the week before Madison, so I'll have other people nearby to do those 20 milers.

6. Holidays
I have been out of the country for the past three winter holidays. 2005 I was in Spain, 2006 and 2007 I was in Peru and now, 2008, I am in Cleveland. I did that for a couple of reasons. First of all, I don't have too much money to gallavant to other countries and I also don't have vacation days (blast that 9 to 5 crap!). Plus my dad and brother wanted to spend the holidays with me, so I figured I'd slow down and just do it here in the US of A. The trouble is that I hate doing Christmas without my mom. Since she died, I've only been in the country for two holidays. I just avoid it. Spain or Peru, Spain or Peru. That's usually my escape hatch. Sadly, not only do I get to confront this crap head on, I get to do it in my be-hated (as opposed to beloved) Ohio. And I think the reason I hate the state so much is that my mom's not in it. Physically, anyway. Sounds silly, but I bear a grudge. Stupid state. In the meantime, it's probably good to learn how to deal. I doubt I'll have the flexibility or the means to travel abroad every Christmas, so I should learn to deal now. And here we go!