So, the AT&T Austin Rock and Roll Marathon is just around the corner - in 12 days, to be precise. Sunday, February 17, 2008 I will be running 26+ miles for 4+ hours in 50F+ temperatures with 100+ attitude! Bust it. I am really excited for the race (my third marathon! Hooray!) but I am also eager to get it over with. Long (and 15+ miles constitute as long) runs on Sundays tucker me out, and my nerves are getting on my nerves too. The forecast is up and it looks like it'll be around 48 when we start and about 74 when we finish. A bit warmer than I would like, but at least it's no horror story like Chicago this past year. Marathon running makes me feel alive, challenged, excited, happy, and fit. I really love it! This year, I am going to dedicate each mile to a friend (i.e. Mile 1 is for April, Mile 2 for my brother, etc. Mile 26 will go out to my mom for sure!) and hopefully that will keep me distracted from the pain of running 26.2 miles!
In the meantime, on the dissertation front, it's hard not to think that I'm a fraud. I just wonder if people have been pushing me along, shuffling me into completion of this degree. I feel underqualified and unfit to be finishing a Ph.D. and to begin to even contemplate a job market. I know that this is the typical anxiety that plagues all Ph.D.ers, but it's really eating at me. As are the guilt and desperation to do well and finish! Damn this road is a long one.
6 comments:
I'm so excited for your third marathon! You're totally going to bust it out--along with the dissertation.
Oh, the strange and horrible thoughts that accompany dissertation writing. You must push the negativity out of your mind...although that's so much easier said than done...ugh. I wish I had something really insightful to say, but i will say this: YOU'RE NO FRAUD. and I love you.
i will dedicate mile 13.1 to you and finish out of breathe!
xoxo
I'm new to the blogger area, saw that you shared a love for Ira Glass. Good luck with your marathon, that's incredible.
I second what April said. Definitely not a fraud - in fact you are one of the most real people I know. Anything you want to do will be real for you. Have a terrific marathon and hope to see you in March!
Love you!
I used to worry that I was a big fraud too, and it's probably true, but then I saw that almost everyone else was a big fraud too, so I just got on with it and stopped worrying. Try to push aside the scary feelings and summon up some of that tremendous self-belief I know you're capable of!! You'll get your PhD and you'll get a job. Promise.
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