Unhappy?

My counselor suggested today that I might be unhappy. I didn't think I was unhappy, exactly, just not that happy. Cleveland has yet to grow on me, and it probably won't at the rate that I spend thinking about the dissertation and feeling guilty when I'm not working on it. So not too much exploring has gone on. Running is about the only thing that keeps me sane these days. I don't think I'm unhappy, I just think I'm not content. I'm antsy (what else is new?) but it's kinda going to a new level. I'm super antsy, and anxious. What drew me to this exciting field that involves work that will never be finished? Oh yeah, the glamor. And the riches. Intellectual riches, that is. Work is crazy busy and then I get home and...I stare at the computer. Former professor and kind of friend John Hartigan had some words of wisdom when I ran into him at ACL Fest a few weeks ago: "It doesn't have to be award-winning. It just has to not suck completely. Who reads the dissesrtation? Six people: you and your committee. No one gives a shit, so get it done. Do it and call it a day. It just has to be passable, not genius. Worry about the genius for the book." I'd like to latch onto these words and take them with me every time I hit the computer, but the stupid perfectionism gets in the way. Plus I just miss Austin and everyone in it: friends, boyfriend, brother, the FAL, Barton Springs, the trail...I feel antsy here like I'm just waiting to go home. Boo.















The plus side is that my sanity (aka running) took me to the Cuyahoga National Park where I ran a half marathon on Sunday in 2'3" under arches of autumn leaves and next to babbling brooks and all that naturey stuff that is good for the soul. And the soles. Nice and cushy. It was a great race and made me feel really, really good.